Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Election Humour: Joke No. 1

This delightful political joke was sent to me by Dr Peter Thompson, who lectures in Communication Studies at Victoria University of Wellington. Enjoy.

WHILE WALKING DOWN the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the MP.

“Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven.  Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the MP.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.  The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and are then invited to dine on lobster and caviar and drink the finest champagne. After the meal they smoke the best Cuban cigars and enjoy a vintage cognac.

Also present is the Devil, who turns out to be a really stand-up guy, who shows them a truly fantastic time, dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it’s time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the  door reopens on Heaven where St Peter is waiting for  him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls floating from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now, choose your eternity.”

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers:

“Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”

So, St Peter escorts him to the lift and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

Now the doors of the lift open and he’s in the middle of a burning waste willed with ordure and rubbish. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more filth falls eternally from above and demons with pitchforks exhort them to work harder.

The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

“I don't understand,” stammers the MP, “yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of filth and my friends are being tormented . What’s happened?”

The Devil looks at him, smiles, and says:

“Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.”

This posting is exclusive to the Bowalley Road blogsite.