Friday 3 December 2021

Onward Luxon’s Soldiers (Sung to the tune of Onward Christian Soldiers)

Marching As To War?

Onward Luxon’s soldiers,
Marching to class war,
With the lust for profit,
Going on before.
Chris the new ringmaster,
Leads against the foe;
Forward into battle
Goes this C.E.O!

Onward Luxon’s soldiers,
Marching to class war,
With the lust for profit,
Going on before.

From Luxon’s religion
Voters may yet flee;
Surely someone’s focused-grouped
His Christianity?
Bottom lips may quiver,
When the news is shared;
From Bible-bashing, Pro-Life Nats
This country would be spared.

Onward Luxon’s soldiers,
Marching to class war,
With the lust for profit,
Going on before.

The Nats were once a party
Inspiring fear and dread;
In every street, in every town,
They left the Reds for dead.
Now a fractious rabble,
Of vicious smears and leaks;
An off-putting selection
Of circus clowns and freaks.

Onward Luxon’s soldiers,
Marching to class war,
With the lust for profit,
Going on before.

Leader follows leader,
Factions rise and fall,
But the pollsters’ numbers
Hardly change at all.
Weary of the slaughter,
Caucus takes a punt;
Pin their hopes, just one more time,
On one more rich, white … man.

Onward Luxon’s soldiers,
Marching to class war,
With the lust for profit,
Going on before.

Gleeful sits Jacinda,
Among her happy throng;
Struggling to believe that
Her luck could last so long.
Covid won the last fight,
Unleashing the Red Tide;
Does Luxon prove that Labour
Has God upon its side?

Onward Luxon’s soldiers,
Marching to class war,
With the lust for profit,
Going on before.

Chris Trotter 
2 December 2021

This parody was originally posted on The Daily Blog of Friday, 3 December 2021.


Dr Bombay said...

Wow Chris.
Perhaps you need to have a nice cup of tea and a wee nap!

Barry said...

Im confussed. I cant decide which category you are in:

1. You think the new National leadership is a train crash, or
2. You think the new National leadership is a serious entity.

With all the hubris you are throwing at the subject Im leaning towards the "take them seriously - very seriously" category.

Odysseus said...

My God, are you okay Chris? Luxon Derangement Syndrome clearly has you in its grip! Please seek help.

Unknown said...

Love it.

Peter Mechen said...

For goodness' sakes, people, get a grip! It all seems pretty unequivocal to me, and eminently singable (after a few wines!) - all pretty consistent with what the writer's position regarding the Nats and their historical priorities are, and expressed in almost Homeric (or perhaps Artistophanic) style! Great stuff!

roblogic said...

lol great stuff, O People's Poet.

You'll be giving the Poet Laureate of Newsroom a run for his money.

Guerilla Surgeon said...

I remember an acquaintance of mine being asked to write a review of one of Keith Sinclair's books of poetry for a local newspaper. It started out "Verse rather than poetry, Keith Sinclair's ............ " and she was never asked back. This might be verse rather than poetry, but it's worth a laugh. :)
Naturally being such a dour lot round here everyone takes it so seriously.

Martin said...

Utterly childish.

The Barron said...

The question previously posed by Chris - what type of Christian is Luxon? - already has hints towards an answer. The new leader of the Opposition announced on Auckland's water-front that Auckland should be in traffic light green. All restrictions raised and health measures withdrawn.

The first point is that this was not justified through filtering the medical scientific advice. Indeed, the experts were disregarded. So, where did the National Party leader's policy come from? We have to presume it was revelation or he has a cabal of advisors outside the medical science sphere.

The second point is to ask what this suggests in regard to his faith in relation to lives and living? 19th Century working class socialisms largely evolved from the idea of 'Heaven on Earth', curing the sick and feeding the poor was the example that European Christian socialism embraced. This remains the basis of progressive European politics long after many stopped believing in a deity.

The alternative theological view is far more common in the United states and spread through evangelical movements. Suffering on earth is par for the course, it is simply preparation for the after-life. If lifting Covid19 measures that save lives leads to the opposite, the loss of life - God's will. Souls collected. Move on. Enhanced if those blessed by God with wealth, increase their wealth. What greater sign can there be that Luxon's policy is Devine guidance than dead poor and his rich mates.

I think we are getting to know his flavour of Christianity.

The Barron said...

Just seen Stuff has issued a correction and that Luxon said Auckland should not be in red, rather than say it should be in green. Please read my above contribution with this alternation. It still does not cite any medical science behind his policy.

The Barron said...

Actually, Stuff or any other media outlets cannot be blamed. Luxon questioned why Auckland is in red, then, while in the viaduct business area, stated 'this sector is ready for Auckland to go straight to green'. Later, having to correct media that he was only talking about the central Auckland hospitality sector.

Any experienced politician would understand the need for clarity on the major issue of the day, one which is literally life or death. Already we see Luxon tripping over his own words. Any that hope for a clear message from the opposition should be concerned.

Jens Meder said...

Well yes, the lusts for legitimate and healthy pleasures and perhaps illegal and harmful pleasures (e.g. drugs and spendthrift prodigality) are perhaps to some extent dormant in all of us (i.e. an inborn part of human nature ?).
But without profits we could only have stagnation at a level where all costs are only just covered, or widening poverty when having to resort to consuming accumulated wealth reserves to cover costs - and serious poverty and death from starvation if our efforts get reduced to an unprofitable search for food as a last effort for survival.

So - are not those preaching against profits mistaken and potentially harmful prophets ?

Or on what grounds is that not true ?

sumsuch said...

That's what National amounts to.

I cut off my neg comments about Luxon's religion, but maybe I shouldn't have. Why does 'true' christianity comfort rich people?

Except everyone is faulty -- human -- and many christians have done good work for people.

If he cuts across the principle above he publicly has aligned himself to I will cut across his balls. But born-againism as an idea is ahead of this guy -- dogma before science.

Not taking on idiots like this, from Reagan on, hasn't helped the species at all.

David George said...

"But the pollsters’ numbers Hardly change at all."

The slide for labour continues; now below the 2017 election results and way down on the last election's 50%.
The latest (but pre Luxon) Roy Morgan poll has Labour/Greens at 46.5% and National/Act at 44%. Game on!

Simon Cohen said...

Chris, Like many supporters of this current government your insecurities are showing.

John Hurley said...

What do you think of this statement Chris:

“In fact, Māori have been very accommodating. We live in a Māori country and they only own three percent of the whenua, where once upon a time they had 100 percent. The vision of He Puapua is just and Māori just want to live in Aotearoa in dignity and decide for their own future as well.”

Kat said...

Very revealing interview with Jack Tame on Q&A this morning, Mr Luxon may reset his caucus to march along to a different drum but his song sounds the same old National tune, just in a slightly different key.

I think this tune fits the Nats new look well:

John Hurley said...

I see TVNZ are trying to have a book banned

sumsuch said...

To echo Tolkien, the age of mortgages is over. Or at the least it's slipping on the road.