Nothing On Paper: “It seems that the Chinese customs people are having trouble recognising our new stationery.”
“AH, MINISTER, thank you for getting back to us so swiftly.
We appear to be having a wee bit of a problem getting our sheep meat
consignments across the Chinese border.”
“Oh? What sort of problem?”
“Well, it seems that the Chinese customs people are having
trouble recognising our new stationery.”
“I’m sorry? Did you say stationery?”
“Yes, Minister. It seems they don’t recognise the forms and
certificates issued by our new Ministry of Primary Industry.”
“Oh, for God’s sake! Our people in Beijing did advise them
of the change – didn’t they?”
“Oh yes, Minister, of course – months ago.”
“Well, what’s the bloody problem then?”
“I can’t say for sure, Minister, but one or two of our
people in Beijing – and one or two of us here in Wellington, for that matter –
are of the view that the Chinese government may be sending us a little
message.”
“Message? What on earth do you mean? What sort of message!”
“Well, you know the Chinese, Minister. Their messages can be
very subtle – oblique even.”
“They’re not the only ones, mate! So, come on, that’s enough
beating about the bush, what message are the Chinese trying to send – and to
whom?”
“We think there may be a number of intended recipients,
Minister. First and foremost there’s the Government. And, after the Government,
we suspect there’s the whole primary production sector: dairying, meat and
wool, kiwifruit – the whole shebang. And there may be a number of individuals.
The Prime Minister, obviously, but also the Minister of Foreign Affairs and
Trade, the Minister for Trade Negotiations, and yourself, of course.”
“Bloody hell! Go on.”
“We are of the view, Minister, that the timing of the
current difficulties with Chinese customs may have more than a little to do
with the meeting of the US/NZ Partnership Forum in Washington. You’ll be aware,
Minister, that there is growing unease in Beijing about the pressure the Obama
Administration is applying to those involved in the negotiation of the
Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement.”
“Yes. Obama wants it wrapped-up by October.”
“Er, yes, Minister. Quite. The President is noted for his
optimism on these matters.”
“What? You think that deadline’s optimistic?”
“Suffice to say, Minister, that there’s about as much chance
of a squadron of pig-shaped American drones flying over the Beehive in
formation as there is of the TPPA being concluded by October. But that is
by-the-by. It’s not President Obama’s enthusiasm for the TPPA that has the
Chinese vexed, Minister, it’s ours.”
“What? But that’s ridiculous! The TPPA was our idea – of
course we’re enthusiastic about it!”
“To be fair, Minister, what New Zealand had in mind,
originally, was a small trade agreement involving a small number of small
countries. What the TPPA has grown into, at least as far as the Chinese are
concerned, is a large trading bloc, dominated by the United States, and pointed
like a dagger at China’s export-dominated economy.”
“Nonsense!”
“Yes, Minister, but not to the Chinese. In their eyes the
People’s Republic conferred upon New Zealand the singular honour of being the
recipient of its very first Free Trade Agreement with a modern capitalist
economy. In very short order that agreement has made China New Zealand’s
largest and most important trading partner. Laid before us are 250 million
middle-class Chinese consumers, and the prospect of the People’s Republic
becoming this country’s twenty-first century equivalent of the insatiable
British market. Of Shanghai and Guangzhou becoming the oriental versions of
Tooley Street and Smithfield.”
“So?”
“So, perhaps, Minister, the Chinese are wondering if we
really want a new Tooley Street and
Smithfield. Perhaps, they hear Mr McCully waxing eloquent in Washington over
the TPPA, and wonder if he’s convinced the USA’s about to offer us a much
better FTA. Perhaps, Minister, the message China’s sending us is that if the
Americans are now so willing to accept our agricultural exports, then China
will happily leave them sitting on the docks for Uncle Sam to collect.”
This essay was
originally published in The Dominion Post, The Waikato Times, The
Taranaki Daily News, The Timaru
Herald, The Otago Daily Times and The Greymouth Star of Friday, 24 May 2013.









