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| “Like you said, I’m an unreconstructed socialist. Everybody deserves to get something for Christmas.” |
“ONE OF THOSE had better be for me!” Hannah grinned, fascinated, as Laurie made his way, gingerly, to the bar, his arms full of gift-wrapped packages.
“Of course!”, beamed Laurie. Depositing his armful on the bar-top and selecting with a flourish the smallest of the packages. “Just a little token of my appreciation for your patience and tolerance over the past twelve months. I know Les and I aren’t the easiest of your customers.”
Hannah blushed in spite of herself, unwrapping Laurie’s gift with exaggerated care.
“I’ve spent the better part of 40 years living with Chanel No. 5, Hannah, so please tell me I’ve chosen correctly.”
“Oh, Laurie, of course you have! I don’t know what to say except, thank you. This is just so sweet.”
“Merry Christmas, Hannah.” Now it was Laurie’s turn to blush. “I’ll join that old reprobate over in the corner now, if you would be so kind as to pour us each pint of your best ale.”
“Of course. On the House. Go on – I’ll bring them over.”
Les frowned ferociously as his friend laid his Christmas pile before him.
“Bloody-hell, Laurie, why did you have to do that? Now I’ll have to get her something. Seriously, man, you’ve got more money than sense!”
“She’s a very good bar manager, Les. Don’t be such a tight-fisted old Scrooge.”
“Bah! Humbug! I can’t help it, Laurie. I hate Christmas.”
“A socialist like you? I thought you believed in handing out goodies to all and sundry, regardless of whether they deserved them or not.”
“Shush!”, hissed Les. “Here’s Hannah with our ale.”
“Here we are, gentlemen. Not a gift to match those of my two favourite Boomers. But it’ll have to do for now.”
“You old fraud!”, whispered Laurie, as Hannah returned to the bar. “Cracking on you hadn’t bought her a gift. I wonder about you sometimes, I really do!”
“No need. Like you said, I’m an unreconstructed socialist. Everybody deserves to get something for Christmas.”
“Even politicians?”
“Especially politicians!”
“So, what would you give the Prime Minister for Christmas?”
“Christopher Luxon? If I could, I’d give him what the German’s call fingerspitzengefühl.”
“Finger-what?”
“Fingerspitzengefühl. The literal translation is ‘fingertips feeling’. By which the Germans mean a politician with an instinctive ability to respond to any given situation appropriately, tactfully, and, hopefully, with lashings of style and flair.”
“Not qualities we generally associate with Christopher Luxon.”
“No.”
“And Chris Hipkins? What would you give him for Christmas?”
“A working memory might be a useful gift. In his speech to Labour’s annual conference on Sunday he paid the usual homage to the great Labour prime ministers of the past. He began with Mickey Savage, moved on to Peter Fraser, then to Norman Kirk. So far so good, you might say, even if he’d missed out poor old Walter Nash. His next pick, however, was Helen Clark. Come on, Laurie, what’s wrong with Chippie’s portrait gallery?”
“Ummm. What happened to David Lange?”
“Damn good question, Laurie! It would appear that the entire Fourth Labour Government has disappeared down the Memory Hole. And why not? Accepting that Lange changed New Zealand every bit as much as Savage, Fraser, and Kirk – and a great deal more than Clark – would mean that Chippie might have to come to terms with the fact that while he and his mates are happy to celebrate their democratic socialist predecessors, they’re completely unwilling to embrace their policies.”
“Like Basil Fawlty not mentioning the war?”
“Exactly! Neoliberalism has become the ideology that dare not speak its name.”
“Unlike ‘Decolonisation’.
“Indeed. But you know why that is, don’t you?”
“Wokeness on steroids?”
“No, no, no, Laurie! It’s because Chippie owes Willie Jackson and his Māori Caucus big time – and vice versa. Willie’s got Chippie’s back – ably assisted, it must be said, by Labour’s Pasifika MPs. Without the support of the Māori and Pasifika caucuses, Chippie would be dog-tucker. It’s quid pro quo, Laurie. Quid pro quo. Chippie stands four-square behind te Tiriti o Waitangi, decolonisation and indigenisation, and the Māori Caucus stands four-square behind Chippie. Throw in his deputy, Carmel Sepuloni, and his Finance Spokesperson, Barbara Edmond, and Chippie can appoint Keiran McAnulty Campaign Chairman in perfect safety.”
“Heh! Because when Labour loses in ’26, he’ll be blamed!”
Exactly! Kieran’s the gift that keeps on giving!”
This short story was originally published in The Otago Daily Times and The Greymouth Star of Friday, 5 December 2024.
8 comments:
Is it an accident that compared with the man of substance David Lange, the present leader of Labour is a pygmy, and that Milton's Paradise Lost says
'Behold a wonder! They but now who seemed
In bigness to surpass earth's giant-sons,
Now less than smallest dwarfs in narrow room
Throng numberless'
About the Wellington Beehive adding itself to the allusion between fallen devils and a beehive
Fair enough banter from the two old codgers except Labour's loss in 2026 will be less about socialist gilded reminicences and more about stark political realities.
The whining impotent socialists collective opposition compares very unfavorably against a remarkably coherent and well working coalition in government.
Full credit to Luxon and co for a remarkable year. Recent disastrous news from the Reserve Bank on the state of the economy will take all of their combined skills and experience.
The other lot a cluster-rabble of Te Maori, Greeens and Labour would have no clues if by some perverse circumstances they found their bums on governing green leather.
No Les, a more appropriate gift for Chippie would be the realisation that a woman is an adult human female.
Laurie may have deserved losing some of his glory to Les for not discussing his intentions with him. He also put Hannah on the spot because she could hardly just bring Laurie a beer now could she. But well done Laurie for his good intentions. As for Luxon I hope he enjoys his Xmas break because whether you like his politics or not he's a hard worker. Chippy will enjoy his break knowing his biggest threat McNulty, has been given a job that would make it near impossible for him to challenge as leader even if he wanted to. Keep your enemies close at hand. Chippy might be unimaginative but still has plenty of cunning.
Yes New View, Luxon is apparently a hard worker. And a few other things. Yesterday, for a few minutes, Christopher Luxon and his wife helped out at Tauranga’s Elim Christian Centre foodbank.
“Amanda and I got amongst the packing line…” boasted the pm. “Great to see 750 volunteers packing over a thousand boxes for families in need this Christmas.”
"Great to see"
Jesus wept.
This guy, the country’s top political leader, thinks that stark evidence of cruel deprivation is great to see.
The 750 volunteers, bless them, are packing food boxes because workers don’t get paid enough to eat.
Months ago, Auckland City Missioner Helen Robinson said "hundreds of thousands" of New Zealanders simply did not have enough money for food.
This included people who were working in casual or part-time employment, receiving low wages or on benefits.
People would pay the mortgage or rent, make sure their kids got to school, to the doctor and that there was enough for transport to work.
What was left over "is simply not enough so people are coming to us for food”.
"Great to see"
How can the prime minister possibly get away with such effrontery?
Because the working class is not sufficiently organised .
A trade union movement worthy of the name would demand an immediate rise in the minimum wage and benefit levels. Followed by annual state-mandated pay and benefit rises, equal to the rate of inflation, for all wage-earners. These demands would be given teeth by an on going nationwide campaign of on the job meetings, debating strike resolutions.
As it is, our union movement is at a low ebb, with little political weight. So called left political parties, lead by comfortable career politicians, find identity politics more interesting than organising the poor to fight.
Today, in New Zealand, the hungry have really just two realistic options, to beg or to steal.
Mr Hipkins does not fall at the false ( for politics) hurdle between wrong or right, he falls at the only one that matters. Weak vs strong.
Labour might survive drowning but not with him as leader. Te Pati M or the Green Marxists are not flotation devices for that party. Even should they wish Labour to survive, which they do not.
Why is Labour drowning?
“Walpole and his contemporaries lived in an intellectual climate which was saturated with moral sentiments. They took pleasure in passing judgement…for the very human reason that such criticism was self- praise in reverse.”
G.P. Judd in ‘Horace Walpole’s Memoirs’.
Lengthy literary correspondence, and gentlemanly controversy over some considerable time, possible then, will not serve when air is threatened.
As for the Liberal Party in Canada, the best time to heave the loser was yesterday.
"Quid pro quo. Chippie stands four-square behind te Tiriti o Waitangi, decolonisation and indigenisation, and the Māori Caucus stands four-square behind Chippie."
It is always with interest that I read the host of this blog assign motive for the support of the Treaty as the blue print for this nations future. In this case it is some type of blackmail from the Maori caucus. We note, the author does not seem to extend this explanation to the Pasifika caucus support. Presumably those in the caucus of Asian heritage are also und the thumb of a demanding Maori caucus. Previously, this blog suggested that Pakeha guilt was the determination factor.
Legal, cultural and historical knowledge seems out of this analysis. Social justice doesn't factor, nor does a sense of honour towards the covenant. A bicultural and multicultural vision for the future is not given consideration.
All of this is a shame. The analysis on this issue is impeded by a bias in the starting point of understanding the motivation.
The latest TVNZ Verian poll showed only 23% supporting Seymour's bill. This leaves 73% of New Zealanders not motivated to change the status quo. The naturalisation of te tiriti into our national development is not being widely challenged. If we look at the demographics, the Act bill is aimed at an older grouping. Younger generations have knowledge and understanding of the role of te tiriti in their future. It may be the Les and Lauries of this country have a weary view of social change, but it is disingenuous to assign motivation because they have a more holistic understanding than their generation. Worse is the obstruction of those building a future nation.
I am sure a Nobel laureate addressed this -
Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin' ...
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall ...
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand...
Chippie and all who say they think ( not the same thing as thinking) Decolonization is a thing, pretend they are Socrates demolishing Thrasymachus.
A tinfoil crown and a wooden sword likewise does not make these as Richard the Lionheart.
The few who do actually think it’s a thing relevant to NZ are too dumb for hope.
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